The Examined Life of the Sellout

I’ve been a sellout many times in my life. For definition, let’s say that sellouts are when you apply your ability and talent to something that isn’t for your purpose in life, it’s for somebody else’s. The theory of the sellout is that they happen because selling out is practical, it’s prudent and it seems like a good, secure, long-term choice. However, they’re called sellouts because they go against your very fibre. You give up (sell) a piece of your soul for comfort. You pursue someone else’s interest in return for compensation.

I’d like to take a look at some of my sellouts, in the order that they have happened:

* I trusted the educational system with too much of my maturation and development of knowledge and pursued all manner of academic success in highschool. I devoted excessive time that could have been spent pursuing my own interests to learning how to differentiate between chemical oxidation and reduction, a sonnet and iambic pentameter and a circle’s radius versus its diameter.
* I chose to take Commerce (business school) in University, not because of some overwhelming passion for business, but because it was the path to secure, well-paid employment.
* I accepted positions of employment because of title and pay, not because of my personal affinity for the topic.
* I engaged, interacted and gave respect to undeserving individuals who held influence. I shared ideas not for innovation and effectiveness, but to impress.

A couple of weak defenses of my actions might help me feel better here. First is the fact that this is what I was advised to do. I followed the path that was laid out for me. That’s weak, because I was sentient when all these sellouts took place. I always had a choice… I just didn’t acknowledge it. My second defense – I could have done more selling out, or I could have done it for an entire career. I think it could easily be argued that I continue to sell out, but I’m happy to say I’ve recognized it and am taking steps to repair the damage.

The damage, however, is quite interesting and hard to repair. To start with, sellouts aren’t exactly natural, so they’re hard to sustain. When we’re doing something contrary to our being routinely each day, we’re ultimately stealing days we won’t get back that could be happier. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

There’s the damage of how being a sellout seems to tie our hands, too. It comes in the shape of established levels of comfort and expectation that are extremely hard to dismiss. They come in the form of a mortgage that was accepted in headier times and a lifestyle best described as a hedonic treadmill.

The damage is a reluctance to try new things, to depart from this game’s “winning strategy” even as the rules of the game are changing.

The damage is a fear of the actions that could address our mistakes but haven’t received acceptance from family, parents, peers, friends, teachers or bosses.

The damage is the fear of ending up living in a van down by the river.

All that is strong, but it doesn’t quite overpower the knowledge that there are ways to add value and be true to your passion. Even when all the comforts of being a sellout are calling me to stop, relax and be enveloped in their charms, I can’t help but remember that those sellout actions aren’t my agenda. They’re just the choices I’ve made.

I guess I’m saying that the one thing more powerful than all the comforts of the life of the sellout is the peace that comes with pursuing my own agenda.

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05

03 2010

Age, Experience and Worldview

Where does innovation come from? I think we’ve all been in a few meetings where “youth” is the answer. If you’re like me, you’ve also heard “new employees,” regardless of age. I don’t think I’ve yet heard “those close to retirement,” but it wouldn’t surprise me.

To be honest, I always kind of dread these discussions. It’s not that I don’t want to be part of a discussion about innovation; it’s that the perception of where innovation comes from feels quite tired and unexamined.

I want to take a peek at the source of innovation, the person. I do think a lot of innovation can come from youth. A different education, a constant immersion in a media-rich environment and a fresh introduction to the workplace is bound to give this cohort a number of “why is it done this way?” kind of moments.

Likewise, new public service employees enter an organization either with the “youth” lens or with the lens of someone who has been working in a different kind of structure. They may simply bring different approaches, or they may have that same sort of questioning “why?” moment.

Both of these groups bring something valuable to the table – a different perspective. They offer a shock to our current thinking. They haven’t been indoctrinated into the rules, structures and dogma that govern the way we do our jobs.

I don’t think, however, that innovative ideas come from a certain age or a certain set of experiences. Primarily, I think new ideas come from your worldview. Worldview is a nice all-encompassing word to describe how you see the world. It’s your description of reality. Perhaps another way to say it is that our worldview is the collection of conclusions we bring with us based on what we’ve seen.

As you can imagine, everyone’s worldview is different. You can be trusting or less trusting, more open to risk or less. You can believe in the power of a god and you can believe in the power of the state. You can think that social media is the end of community or a new beginning. When somebody believes in grassroots organization and somebody else believes in corporate benevolence, those different worldviews bring different/new/innovative solutions to addressing public issues. These differences create distinct approaches and different solutions to challenges.

The nature of most organizations is to build consistency and uniformity into everything, including how we think. The organization works hard to keep everything static and in control. Maybe you’re still having innovative ideas, but the typical response and reaction within the walls of the organization to new thinking makes it difficult to express those ideas (and continue expressing them).

What youth and new employees can bring is a distinct worldview that hasn’t yet been critically transformed. Eventually, most employees resolve themselves to a worldview that includes something like, “At work, it’s easier to follow the rules than to examine them.” Until that defeatist language is added to the worldview, some profound things are liable to slip out.

Accessing individuals who see a different reality and believe that change is attainable are key elements of innovation for me. Right now, the “low hanging fruit” are the individuals that readily bring that kind of thinking. It’s a mistake, however, to attribute that kind of thinking to a demographic cohort or a certain experience. We’re missing all the worldviews that are quietly being suppressed.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she said, “I came to government with a set of skills, abilities and passions, and none of them get used.”

Innovative ideas are there. We’re just not asking for them.

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The myth of well-rounded

I’ve spent the majority of my life working to be above average in everything. There’s a script that I can fall into that says if I remain faultless at everything I endeavour to do, I won’t be embarrassed.  Let me tell you, not feeling embarrassed has a LOT of appeal.

Let me lay on this couch here for a moment and tell you about my childhood.  I don’t remember details very well. I’m more of an abstract rememberer, but I vividly remember the emotions that came during that cruel stage of life called puberty.  I’m talking about 12 or 13 years of age, when everyone’s confidence levels are at an all-time low, your body is changing before your very eyes and one of the best remedies for your own weak self-image is to ridicule someone else’s.

I recall that time as a period of intense embarrassment. Every mistake or aberration was magnified by peers, but even if they weren’t, those mistakes would be turned over and magnified in your own mind until they were bigger than life itself.   And everything was an embarassment. Pimples were devastating. Tripping in the hallway was akin to a death sentence. I felt bad when someone ridiculed me. I felt even worse if I ridiculed someone else. Most days, I could pick multiple incidents that I’d like to get a do-over on.

I also recall the quiet resolve that accompanied these embarassments, a decision to not get “caught” with that hot, flustered, intense feeling of regret that immediately followed.  I changed. I withdrew from any personal experiments in figuring out who I was that could result in my next embarrassment. I became more reserved and cautious.

I also believe I had it better than most of my peers. I was relatively confident, I was smart and capable in class, I was involved in lots of sports and had a strong family for support. Perhaps others had a different way of dealing with it, but I soothed myself with a promise: Never Again. Never again would I make that mistake. Each embarrassment was a lesson that resulted in the closing of a door, a more safe pattern that would spare me looking foolish again.

The problem, the myth, is that being safe and balanced and reasonably good at everything will serve you well. Nowadays, that’s rarely true. It serves you OK, but having some distinguishing interests and an ability to go against the conventional expectation is where the real manna lies. I find myself wanting to burst out of my envelope and do something drastic, but the desire to remain “safe” is deep-seated.

Fast-forward 20 years, and I’ve got some baggage that isn’t serving me well today. A few massive economic shifts and we find ourselves in an environment where the willingness and ability to make mistakes wins the day. Attempting things that stand out and carry a risk of failure are exactly what we must do to find success.

As I participate in a work environment that seems to be chanting “Never Again” in unison, I sometimes feel those hot, prickly flashes of embarrassment trying to get me back in line. It’s really hard to not just give in to them and fulfill the expectations of that 12 year-old kid.

At least here, in the blogosphere, I can go back in time and pretend I’m talking to him: Hey, 12 year old. This is your older self. Don’t let that stuff bother you. In time, you learn that none of it really amounts to anything. The stuff that really matters is  what makes sense to YOU and what you want to do.  Don’t learn to alter your image to avoid embarassment and, for pete’s sake, don’t get so hung up on it that I have to deal with it later.

There. That feels better.

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100 posts

This post is actually number 102. I’m kinda proud of hitting the century mark. When I started blogging, I didn’t know how transformative this experience would be.

Because of this blog,

  • I’m connecting with interesting, smart and engaged people
  • I feel much more confident that my opinions have merit. I’m also confident I need to keep asking if they have merit.
  • My articulation of my opinions and beliefs in the off-line world has improved – I think I’m a better writer and speaker from doing this.
  • My blog provides a search-able repository of things I’ve felt strongly enough about to write down. I’m pretty sure I search my archives more than everyone else combined.
  • I’m more outspoken and am being a radical truth-teller more consistently each day.

I’ve also found:

  • There’s been lulls in my blogging when I feel like I just can’t do it as good as others
  • There’s been increases in my blogging when I’m reading a good book.
  • My best posts are written in one sitting.
  • My blogging is most consistent when I remind myself that my thoughts are more helpful out than in.

Thanks for joining me. I really do appreciate it.

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03

02 2010

Are you on a conveyor belt?

Look around. Are you on a conveyor belt?

I’ve been in a number of meetings where each plan and action coming out of the mouths of my colleagues is faultless. Despite this fact, I’m left with a feeling that we’re going backwards. What is it?

I think it’s that they’re on a conveyor belt. It’s going south, we’re trying to go north. We can agree on the direction, we can even agree on the destination, but in that very moment, the discussion about footsteps (the tactical), not the route (strategic choices we’re making). For most people, most days, the essential component is to put in the right directional effort. The results are secondary. As a result, there’s plenty of faultless effort, but minimal ground is gained. We need to do a better job of acknowledging that we’re on a shifting foundation.

Step one: Stop. Look around you. Are you on solid ground? Are you doing the right things or are you just doing things right?

Step two: Communicate your (new) reality to others. It’s your obligation. I say ”obligation” because it may not be pleasant. You will likely get chastised because your comments will be counter-productive to the immediate conveyor belt march. Your colleagues are trying to keep up and you’re a distraction. That’s to be expected. Just be ready.

Step three: Be very observant and engage with those that give you sidelong glances and pleading looks. They want to get off, too. They just need some help in the courage department.

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02

02 2010

Populism – more than just fun to say

My most political revelation ever: I’m a populist

OK, I’m not sure I’m a traditional populist, but I’m expropriating the word and it’s basic definition to describe what I believe.

In truth, I don’t want to have the discussion about the systems that govern my province or country. I think they’re broken. Addressing them is for another blog, one I’m not sure I’ll ever write.

When I say “populist,” I don’t mean in a political arena. I mean in relationships. I mean in how we trust and respect the people around us.

Populist means to trust the wisdom and judgement of the people. It implies also that we’re going to be wary and distrustful of the elite, the ones who profess to have the answers and directions already laid out for us. In a political setting, a populist is saying “remove the government and let the people directly have a stronger voice.” It’s a little more organized than anarchy, but it’s in that direction.

 In our day-to-day relationships, I see populism as a means of recognizing that the wisdom of the group is more powerful than any one single individual. To position ANYONE in an elite role is fallacy. We need to provide “elegant organization” to allow everyone an active voice in achieving our shared needs and goals. Ultimately, leadership would take hold, but it would be a referent leadership based on ideas and merit, not a formal leadership with a title and a chequebook.
 
A standard argument against populism is that it would introduce instability into the system. Funny, that was going to be my argument FOR populism.
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The Age of the Nice Guy?

This is a shift that’s been going on for a while, but it’s time I call it out on my blog. You can be nice, do generous things for others and you can operate with an abundance mentality and you get more in return than ever before. I watched Conan O’Brien’s farewell speech on the Tonight Show. I was impressed, and I think he will be rewarded handsomely in the future for his authentic class and heartfelt honesty. I think there’s a few things going on that make this a new game for the Nice:

  • It’s easier than ever to see and celebrate good things done by individuals
  • It no longer requires large investments or big distribution to connect with individuals
  • Those who want to protect the status quo have little to no control when you choose a different, more individual path
  • These paths allow people to be authentic and, surprise surprise, when not going through bureaucratic filter, most people are nice

All of this is resulting in people that just get to be themselves and still create a following. Conan now has a legion of fans that will give him attention, credibility and yes, money. He won’t need a big network. If he just starts doing something, people can connect directly.

I want to follow and connect with people that are open, selfless and giving. The old system used to squeeze that out and more often than not produce closed and selfish. Now that this option is reality, it’s clear I wasn’t alone in my desire. Examples abound of success through giving. Just check my blogroll.

With a hat tip to Dan McCarthy, here’s a transcript of Conan’s speech:

“Before we bring this rodeo to a close, I think a couple things should be said.
There’s been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can’t say about NBC.
And this isn’t a joke.
To set the record straight, and this is true, tonight I’m allowed to say anything I want.
(Man laughs)
Um, and no it’s not a joke, but thanks sir. Tonight I really am allowed to say whatever I want and what I want to say is this.
Between my time at “Saturday Night Live,” “The Late Night Show,” and my brief run here on “The Tonight Show,” I’ve worked with NBC for over 20 years.
Yes, we have our differences right now, yes we’re going our separate ways, but this company has been my home for most of my adult life.
I am enormously proud of the work we’ve done together. And I want to thank NBC for making it all possible.
I really do.
(Audience applauds)
A lot of people have been asking me about my state of mind and I’ll be honest with you, walking away from “The Tonight Show” is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Um, making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world.
I absolutely love doing it and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium.
I will fight anybody who says I don’t, but no one would.
But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian…every comedian dreams of hosting “The Tonight Show” and for seven months, I got to do it.
And I did it my way with people I love. I do not regret one second of anything that we’ve done here.
(Audience applause)
And yeah.
And I encounter people when I walk on the street now who are just uh who give me sort of a sad look.
I have had more fortune than anybody I know.
And if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven Parking lot we will find a way to make it fine. We really will.
I have no problems. And, I don’t want to do it on a 7-Eleven parking lot.
(Audience laughs)
But whatever, uh, finally I have something to say to our fans.
This massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming for me.
The rallies, the signs, all the goofy outrageous creativity on the Internet uh, the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain.
(Audience cheers)
It’s pouring! It’s been pouring for days and they’re camping out to be in our audience.
Really, you…Here’s what all of you have done.
You’ve made a sad situation joyous and inspirational.
So to all the people watching I can never ever thank you enough for the kindness to me and I’ll think about it for the rest of my life.
And all I ask is one thing…and this is…I’m asking this particularly of young people that watch…please do not be cynical.
I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality.
It doesn’t lead anywhere.
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get.
But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you. Amazing things will happen. (Audience claps) I’m telling you.
It’s just true.
As proof, let’s make something amazing happen right now. (Intro Will Ferrell)

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27

01 2010

Redefining Who You Are

Chris commented on my about page. As my response kept getting longer, I decided it needed it’s own post.

Thanks Chris,
It’s an interesting question. How does one get into this?

I think the start is mostly curiosity. You end up asking questions like, “Does it really have to be this way?” or “Why are things this inefficient/ineffective left this way?” Part of that examination for me was, “Do I really want to make a killing in business and be known for all the money I made?”

I know you see a better way. There is a better way. Let’s take that as a given.

With this knowledge and the need to do something with it, I’ve created sort of a self-imposed life crisis. Rather than wait until mid-life, I work myself up and get really anxious about the limited results I’ll have if I abide by the (artificial) rules of the game. I recognize, on a theoretical level, that moving outside of my comfort zone will create some positive results, either in what I learn or what I accomplish.

What you’re seeing on this blog is the result of me pushing my comfort zone and putting the theory into practice. I’ve also practiced it in how I conduct my employment search, how I speak truth to my friends and colleagues and even how I ride my bike, among other things. Each of these practices teaches me a little something about myself and the social boundaries around us. I’m constantly on the prowl for the next way I’m going to challenge my assumptions and I have ideas that are giving me heart palpitations right now. I should say though, that it is getting easier.

I’m sometimes accused of being fearless, but I’m far from it. This is a deliberate effort to discover who I really want to be. I’m acknowledging my fear, asking if it’s a rational belief and often discovering that it isn’t.

The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferris has some great exercises to build your comfort with, well, discomfort. I’d say try his exercises. His blog is here. He’s a fascinating guy who essentially applies this practice to everything in his life. 

Another way to start down the path is to find something you’re not doing because you think you’ll get fired and ask yourself, really? Will they fire me over that? The answer is likely no. Think of it as civil disobedience. You’re not explicitly fighting, you’re just not following the rules. They won’t fire you for that. It’s not in their rulebook. Worst-case scenario, you may be humiliated, demoted or snickered at, but you’ll still get your paycheque. The things you learn, however, will be priceless. That’s how I started. Literally, I said, “Well, they’ll give me a few warnings before they can me, so I’ll try it.” Still waiting for the first warning, FYI.

Here’s one last thought. If you (or any reader) wants to find me and make a plan or talk about this over coffee, lunch or over the phone, that’s an excellent use of my time. Just contact me.

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Your Choice: Action or Inaction

This images is from typcut, found via Thank Goodness it’s Monday.

Love it.

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24

01 2010

What is Change Good For?

Why do I want change so bad? Is it just for the sake of something different?

I don’t think that’s it.

I think I observe a lot of change around me and I feel like I’m living in a world that’s out of sync. Perhaps I shouldn’t say I want change. I certainly don’t want it just for it’s own sake. I want t0 put my energy into things that are adequately in tune with the reality of the situation. I could actually be pretty content without change if things were static. Hey, I like quiet, serene and unchallenging environments more than most. The world is not static, however, and it’s clearly not going to be static. I want change only because it’s the best strategy to deal with reality. I want responsiveness.

I have a little analogy to throw at you. Have you ever been caught wearing your parka on the day spring weather arrives? Worse yet, you’re wearing a light fall coat the day winter blows in. It’s actually a pretty crummy day until you can adjust. If you’ve got a few hours before you get home to your warm coat, it totally monopolizes your day. I feel like that about the things I want to change. The discomfort makes for a lingering dissonance you can’t shake. Let’s adjust to the new order. We’d all be more comfortable.

The new reality is that we’re in an age of participation. It’s easy for everyone to have a voice and to engage with the things they care about. This rule of engagement now just resides there. It’s not up for debate. Somebody else’s change made that happen. The internet, Google, social media, the end of a Baby Boomer labour era, reality has changed. I’m going to accept this reality and adjust accordingly, but I really dislike this “get it” and “don’t get it” divide. I want my face-to-face community members to join me, yet I feel the distance growing.

I can refer you to a long line of people that will tell you I’m being unreasonable. In my defense, I don’t think I’m pushing for something because it’s shiny or exciting. I just want equilibrium. To create that balance one side has to catch up…  or it’s going to be replaced.

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23

01 2010